In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
