how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize