Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
