yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
