I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize