I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize