I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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