I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
