Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize