it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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