Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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