thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The adults are the big ones right?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
