She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
