My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
