she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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