So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
