question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
