Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize