so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
