Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My underwear smells like fireworks.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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