mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
