also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
