i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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