I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
