i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
