Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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