That's intense
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
