and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
