I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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