..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
