the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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