I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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