Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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