haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
