I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
