I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
