yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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