May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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