I accidentally had phone sex last night
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
