I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
where am i from again
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
