Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
