so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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