The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
