Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize