So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
