if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
