I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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