Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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