please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
