So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
