I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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