I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All the doctor said was why
My bed smells like the plague
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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