just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Alive.
So much puke
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
