I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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