he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
