I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
