I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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