Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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