is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
