I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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