Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
