I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
