I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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