I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
