go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
