my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
