dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
