you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
