I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
BRING THE BAGELS
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
