I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
