i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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