I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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