i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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