I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
