i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
