remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
