You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
