I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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