6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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